In Part 2 of this 5-part series, I provided a simplified variation of the 6 Step healing procedure of Inner Bonding:
1. Desire
2. Select the intent to discover
3. Discussion with the feelings
4. Dialogue with your Higher Power
5. Take caring action
6. Examine the action.
Part 2 explained what it indicates to be in Step One– what it implies to be ready to feel your sensations and take obligation for them, rather than turn to protective, managing habits.
We will now carry on to Step Two: Picking the intent to find out.
In Step 2, you open to finding out about the your thoughts, beliefs and behavior that are causing your discomfort. You let go of thinking that it is your partner who is causing your pain and you are willing to take full, 100% responsibility for your sensations of fear, stress and anxiety, anger, hurt, rejection, desertion, pins and needles, guilt, shame, aloneness or anxiety. In Step Two, you open to your Higher Self so that you can compassionately embrace your unpleasant sensations and learn more about what you may be doing to trigger them.
Joan feels mad, alone, rejected and deserted because Justin spends a lot of time at work. Joan has been bothersome Justin, evaluating him for his long hours and blaming him for her feelings.
Joan is using her anger and blame to prevent feeling her pain. She is addicted to having her eyes on Justin and making him responsible for her sensations. When he hangs out with her, she rejoices and deserving, and when he doesn’t she feels anxious and insecure.
If Joan were to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, she would start with Action One – welcoming and compassionately embracing her anger, aloneness, fear and resentment. She would be with these feelings just as a caring moms and dad would be with a hurting child– with deep kindness and empathy towards herself.
Rather of going into her usual protective, controlling behavior of blaming Justin for her feelings with her anger, nagging and grumbling, she would move to Step 2, opening her heart to discovering about what she might be informing herself and how she may be treating herself that is really causing her own discomfort. She would open to her older, wiser inner self, her Higher Self, to assist her stay available to discovering. She would choose to be curious about her own beliefs and behavior, rather than judgmental toward Justin or herself.
When Joan moves into Step 2, she is vacating being a victim and into personal duty. This intent shift will immediately begin to alter the interactions between Joan and Justin. When Joan moves her objective from trying to control Justin with her anger, blame and complaints to finding out about herself, her energy will entirely move. Justin will actually feel this energy shift, even if he is not in the same room as Joan. Energy is not regional. All of us automatically get when others are angry with us and when they are accepting and enjoying.
This intent shift is crucial for healing a struggling relationship. As long as your eyes are on your partner and you are attempting to get your partner to alter to make you feel better, you will continue to have an inefficient relationship. At those times when you want to feeling your sensations and open to finding out about how you are causing them, you will discover that your relationship quickly improves.
The shift out of attempting to manage your partner and into finding out about loving yourself is one of the most major shifts you can make in your relationship.
In Parts 4 and 5, I will continue through the 6 Actions of Inner Bonding, showing you how Joan uses these powerful Actions to recover her relationship with Justin.
Joan has been unpleasant Justin, judging him for his long hours and blaming him for her feelings. Rather of going into her usual protective, managing habits of blaming Justin for her feelings with her anger, nagging and complaining, she would move to Step 2, opening her heart to learning about what she may be telling herself and how she might be treating herself that is really triggering her own discomfort. When Joan moves into Step Two, she is moving out of being a victim and into individual duty. When Joan moves her objective from attempting to control Justin with her anger, blame and grievances to finding out about herself, her energy will completely move. Justin will really feel this energy shift, even if he is not in the very same space as Joan.
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