11 – Making Marital Relationship Work, Part 2

( This is part 2 of a 5-part series on making marital relationship work).

Are you in a long-term relationship where you are either fighting a lot of the time or feeling remote, disconnected, and without passion? Or, do you discover yourselves going along fine up until a dispute emerges, and after that you can’t appear to find way to fix it? Do you either try to win by snapping and protective, or give in to avoid the other’s anger and defensiveness? Do you find yourself close down, numbed out, or resistant much of the time? Do you and your partner love each other, however resentment is building because of all the unsolved disputes and interaction problems?

Relationship issues take place when the dual fears of loss of another’s love (rejection) and loss of self (engulfment) have been triggered. Each of us has found out protective methods of attempting to have control over getting the love we need and preventing the discomfort we believe we can’t handle. As quickly as one of these worries is triggered, we instantly go into our learned ways of securing versus pain and trying to manage the other person into being the way we desire them to be.

When we get angry, give up, withdraw or withstand, this protective, controlling behavior often triggers our partner’s protective controlling habits. The interactions that follow might be filled with anger, blame, judgment, defensiveness, describing, rejecting, withdrawal and resistance. Love does not flourish in the face of these tough interactions.

In this series, I will reveal you how the 6-Step procedure of Inner Bonding can be utilized to totally change your relationship.

A streamlined variation of The Six Steps are:.

1. Determination.
2. Pick the intent to learn.
3. Discussion with the sensations.
4. Discussion with your Higher Power.
5. Take caring action.
6. Examine the action.

We will begin with Step One of Inner Bonding: Desire. In Step One, you pick to be ready to feel your feelings and take duty for them, instead of rely on protective, managing, addicting behavior.

You can not alter your automated reactive habits up until you become aware of the sensations of worry that trigger them.

What do you feel in your body when someone snaps, blaming, or judgmental towards you?

What do you feel in your body when someone closes down, withdraws, or becomes resistant toward you?

Take a moment to tune into your body and see what it seems like when your fears of rejection or engulfment end up being set off. What happens in your stomach, your throat, your heart, your limbs? Does your body fill with adrenaline and go into the battle or flight response– the tension reaction?

You can not begin to react differently when your fears of rejection or engulfment are triggered up until you understand that worry is being activated. You will unconsciously continue to respond with your discovered securities up until you become conscious of what you are securing versus.

We have all found out lots of ways of avoiding sensation and understanding our sensations. All addicting behavior– drug abuse, procedure dependencies, reactive behavior towards others, and judgmental thoughts towards ourselves– are ways of avoiding feeling the deep solitude, in addition to helplessness over the other individual’s behavior and sensations, that is at the core of all addicting habits.

When your partner acts in some turning down or managing way toward you, this deep isolation and vulnerability is triggered. These are such hard feelings to feel that most of us will turn to our learned addicting habits to prevent them. We will either try to have control over the other person by snapping, judgmental or giving up, or we will try to control the discomfort of the loneliness with compound and process addictions.

The only way out of this is to be happy to feel the extremely tough sensations of isolation and vulnerability over others and find out to handle these feelings instead of prevent them. If you were to learn to accept and handle these feelings instead of rely on your found out protective managing habits, you would begin to alter the inefficient relationship system that may be eroding your marital relationship.

The Six-Step Inner Bonding process is a process for moving out of your automated reactive behavior and into kindness and empathy toward yourself and your partner.

The remaining short articles in this series will show you how to do this.

Are you in a long-lasting relationship where you are either battling a lot of the time or feeling far-off, disconnected, and without enthusiasm? As quickly as one of these worries is set off, we automatically go into our found out ways of securing against pain and trying to manage the other individual into being the way we want them to be.

When we get angry, give in, withdraw or resist, this protective, managing habits typically triggers our partner’s protective controlling habits. Take a moment to tune into your body and see what it feels like when your fears of rejection or engulfment end up being set off. These are such difficult feelings to feel that most of us will turn to our learned addictive habits to avoid them.

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